Master Class

The course: Teaches the art of negotiation Book《Never split the difference》

Tactical Empathy, also named as emontional intelligence Requirement: completely aware of the other side's perspective, their point of view, their take on things, how they see it and what they feel. Knowing what drive them and what their rules are. See if we can turn your rules against you.

Mirroring make them feel involved, get them talking and create the opportunity for them actually to present you with your deal, only they thought it was their idea. Information gathering and make the other side have your way.

Repeatation: only last one to three words to make them feel listened to and it trends to connect their thoughts in your head.

Build Rapport: being curious about the other person, you're interested and looking forward to hearing what they have to say. Genuine curiosity without judgement is a great trigger to get people to keep talking. When the sentence finnished with a tone of voice of curiosity is compelling and powerful.

Mirror confrontational people: use a great tone if voice, genunie curiosity, mirror them few times and see if they dont change their tune.

Silence is golden: go interest and be silence. Give time for the thought sink into their heads and also make them know that you really want to hear.

Labeling Amygdala杏仁体 is the nerve center of all the emotion. Emotion label regarded as self-defining skill, which could reduce the emotional feelings which gives labels. Aware of the emotion or dynamic from the other side and label it(how it seems like, sounds like, looks like and feels like__) "You looks upset", and it triggers contemplation, "Am I upset?" That contemplation deactivates the negative. It is process of building trust-based influnce. Not showing "my perspective" when using labeling such as "when i was hearing". Resist the urge to explain a label or to add some follow-up or to talk in any way, actually, after a good label: leave enough time to trigger comtemplation. label more than once. Reinforce positive emotions. Mirroring and labeling in tandom. Mirrors are a great way to dial yourself in on labels. Mastering Delivery Your voice, your deliveries, speaks volumes. It conveys deference顺从, curiosity and collaboration. Manipulate mirror neurons.

Use a late nignt, fm, dj voice to calm them down and smile to hit their mirror neurons. Ditch the "Assertive" voice. The assertive's tone of voice is always counterproductive. Use the "playful" voice to keep people in a positive frame of mind. Use the "analyst" voice that is the downward flexing voice. It is declarative, but with a downward, slow, soothing tone to make them feel it is immovable. Use the "late night FM DJ" voice that lacks warmth used in10-20% of time to calm the situation down when he was in anxious time. Inflections that say with the inquistive好奇 tone.

Digital communication that combines difference means of commucations. Emails should be concise, and the tone of the email is probably going to be read negativaly. So it should put extra things in to soften it, such as, I'm sorry and I'm afraid. Make sure your words land softly and end positively.

Body language and speech patterns 7/38/55 rule: 7% to content, 38% to tonality and 55% to body language. The tone of the voice is five times as important as the words are spoken. Check if the tonality and body language is line up with the content of the words.

Watch the sidelines. The people that are off the point of focus are going to be ridiculously unguardable in their body language because they’re not used to being paid attention to. So we can get some really accurate body language off the people off the primary point of the attention. Identify baselines and spot deviations. Get a baseline when they tell the truth.

The Pinocchio effect. When someone tell the lies, they are trying harder to convince you. So the more effort they go to convince you, the more likely it is they’re lying. How to response to a lie. Show them that you worth to trust and then they will release the guard. Creating the illusion of control Ask “how” and “what” questions. We calibrate our questions to make the other side feel in charge. Why as question triggers defensiveness universally and make people feel accused.

Ask questions to force empathy to trigger reciprocity互惠. Say “how I suppose to do that” to build forced empathy to make the other side take into account what you’re really going through and you also make them think about how it this going to move forward.

Use calibrated questions to shape thinking. Different way to ask same question to have more information: How I suppose to do that? What’s going to happen if I do that? How do I overcome the challenges that I have here? Avoiding triggering reciprocity. If we ask we tend to owe. Ask legitimate合理的 question. For example, in the hostage negotiation, ask how do we know our hostage is alive is a legitimate question.